My Convertible Life

Monday, August 23, 2010

Remodeling: A Cautionary Tale

An ode to our home renovations past, present and future, all at the same address, with apologies to Laura Numeroff

If you give a Mommy new crown molding in her bedroom, she's going to ask for new baseboards, too.

When she sees the new baseboards, she'll want new wall paint to go with them.

While the paint is going up, some of it spills on the floor, so she'll ask for new carpet. For the whole upstairs.

Walking on the new carpet will remind her of walking on soft beach sand, which will make her want to open the windows for some fresh air. When she looks out the windows, she'll want to run around outside and play.

After she comes in from playing, she'll realize she's sweaty and want to take a shower.

Taking a shower will cause more water to drip through the tiny crack in the shower floor and stain the kitchen ceiling, so she'll need to bring in a contractor to replace the entire shower. Replacing the shower will involve cutting through the kitchen ceiling to bring the drain pipe up to code.

Once the kitchen ceiling is cut open, she'll figure that they might as well replace the popcorn ceiling in the kitchen and the den and the foyer (because, of course, they're all connected) with smooth ceilings. And new lighting.

The vision of new lighting bouncing off the stained sink, rusty refrigerator, badly-installed cabinets and dirty laminate counter will make her want an entirely new kitchen. And a new opening to the dining room. And the family room.

Tearing up all these walls will inspire her to replace all the flooring, too. Because, you know, why not.

Putting in all new pre-finished hardwoods will remind her that she needs to have baseboards installed to match the new molding upstairs.

And chances are, if she gets new baseboards downstairs, she's going to want some crown molding to go with it.

For later posts about how the renovation turned out, click here and here.

Above photo of my actual kitchen, mid-reno to the upstairs shower.

For later posts about how the renovation turned out, click here and here.


  1. Love, love, love this post. Brilliant and so true.

    A new kitchen is so exciting -- at least I assume it is having never had one myself. For me, it's the stuff of dreams.


  2. I love this!! So funny. And so true.

  3. This is genius! I don't think Laura will mind at all!

    We're abt to embark on a kitchen remodel and I can already anticipate what you're going through. Sounds like some exciting changes though!

  4. Ours began with replacing a bathroom light fixture. By the time we were finished we had..
    -replaced light fixtures in all 3 bathrooms
    -removed wallpaper and retextured two bathrooms
    -had old vents removed from 8 rooms and walls repaired and textured
    -painted every room (hallways included) in the house except 2 bedrooms
    -remodeled the entire kitchen- painted cabinets, new countertops, new appliances, new hardwood floors
    -refinished the hardwoods in the den and sunroom
    There's probably something else, but I can't (don't want to) remember!

  5. LOVE! Nicely done. My husband is an electrician, so by association I often assume he is also a carpenter, architect and tiler. And yet my bathtub remains mauve. Le sigh.

  6. I LOVE IT! Well written, too real. (Don'tcha think a cookie would be easier?)

  7. My mom renovated her entire townhouse, before putting it on the market. So I know the domino effect it can start.

    Way to go, and great post!

  8. Sounds like how things go in my house. Love it!

  9. This is absolutely brilliant. With all of the things that need to be done in our house, I appreciate this so much. :)


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