How to Protect Yourself If Your Wallet Gets Stolen

Consider this post your public service announcement from My Convertible Life for the month. Just another opportunity to take something I learned the hard way and share it with you so that you can learn it the easy way -- that is, sitting on the couch reading blog posts.

Earlier this month, my purse was stolen.
From the front seat of my locked car.
Which was parked in the driveway of a friend's house.
In the middle of the afternoon.

Seriously.

In the interest of full disclosure, I had left my windows open about two inches because of the unseasonably warm (but oh-so-welcome) temperatures. And, as it turns out, that is just enough space for a skinny teen-age arm to slip into the car, pop the door lock, grab my purse and take off running.

Miraculously (long story short), a neighbor saw the kids digging through my purse beside his house and walked out to confront them. They ditched my purse in the woods and fled the scene, taking only the rare $7 in cash I had in my wallet.

I considered that $7 a happy donation toward not having to replace my driver's license, credit cards, pictures of my kids, almost-filled bagel punch card and two brand new tubes of lipstick. And honestly, I was more pissed off about the prospect of losing the sandwich card and the make-up than I was about the credit cards.

As frustrating and bizarre as the whole experience was, even in the initial panic of realizing my purse had been stolen, I had peace of mind about one thing: I knew exactly what cards were in my wallet and what numbers I'd need to cancel them before anyone started using them.

Here's why -- and here's my PSA info for you:

Several years ago, my wallet was stolen out of my office at work and never recovered (long story -- you can buy me a drink if you want to hear it). The three critical lessons I learned from that painful disaster combined with the recent purse-snatching incident are these:

1. Never EVER give your PIN number to ANYONE. Not even your bank. Because the person you think is calling from your bank might in fact be the asshole who stole your wallet. Trust me on this. Your bank DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW YOUR PIN. They don't care -- in fact, they don't want to know. YOU are the only person who ever, ever, ever needs your PIN. Have I made myself clear?
   
2. Know what's in your wallet. Take every credit card, license or other important item in your wallet out. Place them all on your scanner or photocopier. Make a copy. Turn them all over to the other side and make a second copy. Put these copies in a safe place where you can access them quickly when you're in a panic. Now when your wallet is gone and you can't remember if you still have those credit cards to Ann Taylor much less what number to call to contact your bank, you have everything you need in one place.
   
3. Eliminate the temptation. Even if you're just going to be inside for a minute, take your purse with you when you leave the car -- or, at least lock it in the trunk where no one can see it. This rule applies at the mall, in the preschool parking lot and (sadly) in your own driveway.

Now, go in peace and make those copies. Because if you don't do it, you can consider yourself jinxed.

Saturday Strategery: Moving to the Big Girl Bed

How do you know when it's time to move your toddler out of the crib and into a big bed?

With Junius, we knew it was time because I was pregnant and needed a crib for his baby sister. Plus, he never slept well in the crib anyway, so it was no great trauma to move him.

We put him in a double bed with rails for the first time when we were at the beach, just after he turned two. He promptly buried himself under his blanket and friends and went to sleep. Just like that.

With Pippi, it's a different story. She always slept well in her crib, at least compared to her brother. And she was contained that way -- good both for timeouts and for letting her sing herself to sleep at night without worrying that she was roaming around in her room.

I was in no rush to move her, as long as she could still fit in the crib. I figured we'd wait until she turned three, then transition her so we could pass along the crib to our friends who are expecting their first baby in March.

So how did we know we needed to move her? She told us.

As in, she turned to me one night after Christmas, looked me straight in the eye and said in her most dramatically serious voice, "It is time, Mommy. It is time to give my crib to Molly."

Cue knife to Mommy's heart.

But she was right. It was time. So, based on our experience, here's your step-by-step guide to a successful transition from sweet baby crib to biggirlgrownup bed:

Step 1: Wait until you need the crib for someone else or until your child announces that she will no longer be sleeping in the crib. Feel sad.

Step 2: Come to terms quickly with the fact that your baby girl no longer fits in her crib like this:

Step 3: Make a "bed" on the floor out of blankets and pillows. Repair the nest during the night as your toddler wiggles and rolls around so that she doesn't end up sleeping on the carpet. Talk a lot about the importance of staying in your bed ALL NIGHT and not getting up. You can also take the mattress out of the crib and set it up like a bed on the floor.

Step 4: Clean up the nursery so you can take pictures of how adorable everything looked when your baby girl was still a baby. Notice suddenly how very big and tall and slender she is. Take a deep breath.

Step 5: Take apart the crib and set up the real bed. Add bed rails and load it up with friends, blankets and pillows. Talk some more about the importance of staying in bed ALL NIGHT. Snuggle up with your big girl and be thankful that a) there's enough room for you and b) she's still got that stinkin' pacie so at least she's not all grown-up just yet.

Saturday Strategery: How to Build a Fish Pond in Your Backyard

Step 1: Build a large wooden sandbox in your backyard.
Step 2: Cover the sandbox with a heavy duty tarp to keep the neighborhood cats out. Hook the tarp onto the sides of the sandbox, using a staple gun along one side and small hooks on the other sides.
Step 3: Wait for Noah's rain to fall.
Step 4: Add fish.

Please be aware of two caveats to today's strategery: 1) we did not do this on purpose and 2) it's probably not really the best approach if you're actually going to do step 4. But it still made us laugh.
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Saturday Strategery: When You Want to Relax on the Beach

I remember vaguely fondly the pre-kids beach vacation days. You know, back when I would sleep until 10, have a bowl of cereal, then wander down to the beach to stretch out on a towel and read for hours in the sun. Rinse, nap and repeat. Glorious.

Life at the beach with two small children sets a very different agenda. Given that both Junius and Pippi like to be up to thank the sun for rising each day, there's not much I can do about wanting to sleep in. And as much as I love running around with them in the sand and surf and watching them fall in love with the beach, I still miss the days spending lounging with a book.

Then last week we discovered a way to improve the ratio of time spent sitting and reading to time spent splashing and chasing. I have give my friend Ashley full credit for this idea -- it's pure genius.

• Step 1: Dig a big hole in the sand. Preferably, put your husband and older child to work on this step.
• Step 2: Line the hole with a plastic shower curtain.
• Step 3: Fill the lined hole with water. This is a great opportunity to put your kids (and all their beach buddies) to work using the score of buckets you brought with you to the beach.
• Step 4: Load toys, mermaids, shells and buckets in and around the pool.
• Step 5: Place your children in the pool.
• Step 6: Pull your chair into the general vicinity of the pool. Sit your self down, lean back and bask in the brilliance while the kids entertain themselves.

For more Saturday Strategy, like what do to when your toddler poops in the tub or covers your carpet with parmesan cheese, check out these posts.

Saturday Strategery: When Your Toddler Makes Carpet Parmesan

I'm not exactly sure how this happened yesterday, but at some point Pippi (shown here, imprisoned in her crib for time-out) smuggled a brand new container of Parmesan cheese (shown here, in foreground) upstairs to her room. One minute she was playing downstairs in her little kitchen, the next she's upstairs with a measuring cup pouring the entire container on the carpet. Did I mention this is the new carpet we just installed last year?

In case this toddler scenario plays out at your house, here are some steps to help you through after the disaster strikes.

1. Dump toddler into time-out crib. Remove pacies and blanket so that she's sufficiently miserable.
2. Rant. Clench fists. Grit teeth.
3. Blame your husband (not recommended, but sometimes it's hard not to -- just know that he won't take the blame).
4. Take photos for blog to make yourself feel better about the situation.
5. Rant some more. Stomp downstairs and back up again.
6. Scoop up Parmesan with hands, as much as possible and dump into measuring cup. Send slightly more responsible older brother downstairs with the cup.
7. Vacuum. Then clean out the vacuum cleaner and hope to goodness that it doesn't get Parmesan mold trapped inside.
8. Be thankful it was parmesan and not ketchup. Be grateful for the Dyson.
9. Let husband take kids to pool.

For more Saturday Strategeries, check out these posts.

Saturday Strategery: When You Need to Put Down Your Baby

Before I had my own kids, I jumped at any chance to hold a baby. Particularly if said baby was new and fresh, I could hold that baby for hours on end and love every minute. Then I gave birth to a beautiful boy who wanted to be held ALL THE TIME and would only sleep when he was in my arms and I got very, very, very tired.

Now that my little ones are too big to sit and snuggle for very long, I'm back to sneaking up on friends' babies to hold them whenever I can. But I haven't forgotten how hard it is to have a baby who doesn't want to be put down. And that's where this Saturday's strategery comes in.

If you've got one of those babies who loves to spend hours in the swing or dozes off all alone in the crib, then just stop reading -- and remember to never ever ever brag about the fact that your baby does that (karma is a bitch). But if your baby gives you the stink eye and bursts into tears every time you attempt to place the little angel somewhere other than your own body, read on for a trick.

I learned this technique from another much wiser mom (thanks, L!) and have shared it with others who say it was the saving grace for a child who really wants to believe he's big enough to play like the older kids but can only just hold up his own head.

• Step 1:  Make sure your baby is actually strong enough to hold up his/her own head. This is key -- otherwise, you'll need to wait (and in the meantime, call a neighbor with baby lust and make her hold the baby for awhile).
• Step 2: Get out your exersaucer, even though your baby isn't really old enough yet.
• Step 3: Wrap your baby in a big, fluffy beach towel(s).
• Step 4: Insert wrapped baby into the exersaucer so that the towel(s) hold him/her upright in the exersaucer.
• Step 5: Hold your breath, cross your fingers and say a little prayer.

With any luck, your baby will be so delighted by imagining that he/she is standing up all alone like a big kid that he/she will not notice the absence of your arms wrapped around him/her. Now go do something quickly that requires two free hands -- you never know how long your luck will hold out.

For more Saturday Strategery, check out what to do when your toddler poops in the bath.

Saturday Strategery: When Your Toddler Poops in the Bath

One of my brilliant friends suggested that I create a periodic feature offering suggestions for what to do when the shit hits the fan (or the tub, in her case) and you need some parenting advice. Given that this friend a) reads my blog, b) thinks I have answers and c) has offered material for me to write about, who am I to deny her? Plus, you already know how I feel about the importance of being open with other moms about our parenting disasters.

So I present to you the first in my new series: Saturday Strategery. Read on for the stuff I'm making up wisdom gleaned from experience, post your commiserations or offer your own advice, then send me pleas for help suggestions for additional posts.

As you may remember, I've already dealt with poop smeared in the crib, but the accidental poop in the tub is a different scenario. Ideally you'd have another adult in the house when this happens so that you can do the hand-off (meaning you take the cutie-pie toddler and hand off the poo-filled tub to your partner). But I think we all know these babies have some sort of sixth-sense that enables them to make messes like these at the most inopportune times, so it's best to have a strategery plan for going solo.

• Step 1: Swear under your breath. Drop the f-bomb if necessary, but do it quietly to avoid the need for more strategery (see also "How to Explain to Your Baptist Preschool Teacher Why Your Child Cusses During Chapel").
• Step 2: Yank the toddler out of the tub and wrap her in a towel. Pretend you don't see the poop. If there's a sibling in the tub, get him out as quickly as possible and include him in steps 3 and 5 (this makes it extra tricky, but generally speaking you should help the youngest and/or most poop-covered child first).
• Step 3: Dry, diaper and dress the toddler as you normally would after a regular, poop-free bath. Unless of course, said toddler has managed to smear into the poop -- then use as many wipes as necessary to clean the toddler, dumping all the wipes into the bath towel.
• Step 4: Swear under your breath some more. Remember that although you are the only adult in the house, you are not alone. Mothers the world over are currently swearing right along with you (and if you think you're alone, take a look at this blog post with photos). Take a deep breath.
• Step 5: Put the toddler somewhere safe, preferably out of sight. Depending on the time of day, you may want to proceed with bedtime/naptime. If not, dump her in the crib with books or park her with a video, depending on what causes you the least grief.
• Step 6: Although you might want to close the bathroom door at this point and pretend the poop isn't in there, it's really best to go ahead and deal with it. Drain the water from the tub and use toilet paper to scoop up the poop, then dump it in the toilet. Continue to repeat step 4 as needed. It's okay to cry a little, too. Throw away any wipes from step 3 into the diaper pail, then rinse any poop on the towel in the bathtub (you don't want loose poo in your washing machine).
• Step 7: Use your favorite cleaner (including the Clorox/Lysol kitchen cleaner you'd use after handling raw meat -- gross analogy, I know, but you get the idea) and wipe everything down. Rinse a lot, then wash your hands.
• Step 8: Call a friend to complain about what you've just been through. If no one is available, write something witty and gross on Facebook.
• Step 9: If necessary, retrieve the toddler and resume parenting. If toddler is sleeping, lie down on the couch and take a deep breath. Remind yourself that one day this incident will make for a hilarious story  to embarrass your child in front of her friends.

Okay, parents -- what did I miss? Help me out here -- I'm still new at this strategery business, and goodness knows we can all use the help.