Sharing My Collection

I am a collector -- not in any official way, but more in my approach to the world. I collect family photos, my children's drawings and baby clothes, posters and tchotchkes from traveling, lots of books, letters from friends. I even collect actual friends.

Being a collector is part of why I write this blog. I like to collect ideas, stories, memories to share and revisit.

Letting go is not my strong suit.

When each of my grandparents passed away, I inherited pieces of furniture from their homes. Over time, I accumulated scores of items large and small between things I received directly from them and things I scavenged from my parents' attic.

Some of the furniture I took was purely functional. But many of the items hold personal significance. There's the picnic table that my grandfather built out of the hatch cover from an old ship -- he taught me to pick crabs at that table when I was a kid. It weighs a ton, but makes a quirky rough dining room table under the crystal chandelier from my in-laws. Or there's the antique sofa that my grandmother saved specifically for me, her only grand-daughter -- we recovered it in red corduroy to make it less fancy, but the curved feet at the bottom still set a grand tone.

But after years of taking in these hand-me-down treasures, our decor sometimes looks like we did all our shopping in the Dead Relatives Collection -- and there's only so much space for keeping furniture in our house.

So when we started talking about decorating Pippi's big girl room, I realized there were two pieces I was going to have to let go. One was a white dresser with glass knobs that had been in my room and my brother's room when we were kids and then in both nurseries when my children were babies. The other was an upholstered rocking chair that had belonged to my grandmother before serving as my reading chair in my teens and 20s and then my nursing chair in my 30s.

I considered selling them on Ebay or Craig's List, but never seemed ready to make the leap to post them online. Too much hassle. I thought about taking them to an antique store or consignment shop, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. No one else would think the furniture was as valuable as I did. How do you put a price on something filled with memories of multiple childhoods? It sounds melodramatic, but how could I haggle over the space where I rocked my children to sleep?

And then I found the Green Chair Project, a nonprofit organization co-founded by Jackie Craig and Beth Smoot in April 2010 to take quality donations from people like me (who have too much furniture but have a hard time letting go) and get them to people in transition (who actually need the items). The Green Chair makes the furnishings available for a nominal fee to individuals and families identified and referred by its partner agencies.

What makes The Green Chair different is that their warehouse is actually staged and decorated. It's not a pile of castaway junk that no one wanted, left behind for others to dig through. Instead, visiting The Green Chair is like wandering through any other furniture store or consignment boutique, allowing the recipients to shop with dignity as they furnish their home and create nurturing environments for themselves and their families.

I don't know who has my dresser and rocking chair now. But I like to imagine that somewhere there's a mom making a new life for herself and her baby, tucking away tiny onesies or snuggling together to nurse before bedtime. Or maybe it's a little girl who loves books as much as I do, happy for her own space to curl up and disappear into a story.

Letting go wasn't easy -- but somehow giving away the furniture instead of selling it seemed like the best way to honor the memories that have no price tag. Letting go created a new opportunity to be part of someone's next chapter. Letting go opened up space in both my house and my heart.

And I still get to collect the memories.

LTYM: Watch Me Read to You!

Who knew that watching a video of myself presenting my writing on stage at the Listen to Your Mother show in May would make me more nervous than actually presenting my writing on stage at the show? But when I got the email today saying the videos had been posted, my heart started racing and my palms got all sweaty.

Watching myself is crazy weird. That's all I have to say about that.

But I loved being part of this show with our amazing producers Marty and Keanne and all of the great cast members, so I absolutely must share it with you. Now go fix yourself a beverage, find a comfortable spot to sit, and settle in to watch our show...



After you've watched all the awesomeness from the Raleigh-Durham show (trust me when I tell you to it's worth watching them ALL), be sure to check out the other 23 cities. 

The LTYM video launch is made possible thanks to our national video sponsor The Partnership at Drugfree.org. We are proud to promote their message of preventing prescription drug misuse and abuse.  Take a moment and check out The Medicine Abuse Project to learn more and join me in taking the Pledge.

LTYM Raleigh-Durham would also like to thank local video sponsor Myriad Media for videoing the performances.

One Amazing Night

On any given day, I probably have three blog posts lurking in my head somewhere. Unfortunately, on any given day, I probably have about two minutes to spend actually writing them down.

And so over time, those posts collect in my brain and my fingers and get all tangled up until it's too hard to write once I finally do carve out some quiet time. The topics become too important or involved or complex to throw down in a 15-minute burst, and so I keep putting them off. It's kind of like how I don't call my best friends who live far away because I want to be sure I really have time to talk to them and of course I never really have that kind of time and so I keep not calling until it would probably take three days to cover all the things we want to talk about and we end up with a seven-minute cell phone chat in the carpool line instead which is totally unsatisfying and yet still better than nothing.

Phew.

So tonight I'm starting to unpack that very crowded brain, beginning with the thing that's probably hardest to put into words. Which is funny, I guess, given that the whole event was about showcasing writing.

Last week I had the incredibly good fortune to share a stage with 14 other local writers as we gave motherhood a microphone. The inaugural Raleigh-Durham edition of the Listen to Your Mother show was simply amazing -- and I say that not because I was in it.

It was amazing because it happened -- thanks to much hard work by Marty, KeAnne and others. It was amazing because so many people bought tickets that the show sold out the day before -- the audience was filled with friends and family who made me feel important by their presence. And it was amazing because of the live connection that I didn't know I craved until I was standing on stage.

It's one thing to sit here at my laptop, spill all these stories onto the screen and hit publish. Sometimes people will leave comments or send a tweet, occasionally someone I know will reference a post in conversation. For the most part, it's just me and the silence of my own writing.

So it's another thing entirely to stand in front of hundreds of people who are laughing and giving me real-time feedback as I read my writing aloud. I probably should have been nervous -- my pale face in the spotlight with nothing but a music stand to shield me as I confessed my story. Instead, I just felt connected, like I was part of something, like I was where I belonged.

The next day, I couldn't believe I had to go to work and make lunches and do carpool and the ordinary bits of things like nothing had happened. But I suppose that's just like the miraculous ordinary of motherhood.

When the nation LTYM site posts the video from the show on their YouTube channel, I'll let you know. In the meantime, I just want to say thank you to my friends and family who supported me with good wishes before and after the show, to my sweet husband who greeted me with two dozen (!) roses in the auditorium, and to my fellow cast members who made the whole amazing night possible -- I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready to take this show on the road.

Links to other blog posts from the LTYM-RDU cast following the show:

• Dellabee and Me
• Musings of an (In)sane Life
• Dirt and Noise
• And Just One More
• Baby with a Twist
• (hopefully more coming soon!)

You're Supposed to Smile and Say "Thank You"

Compliments are tricky things, both to give and to receive.

Sometimes we put down ourselves as we lift up someone else -- if only I could be as talented as you. Often we deflect compliments -- this old thing? I got it on sale. Occasionally we give back-handed compliments -- you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

I find I'm better at giving them than accepting them. Not sure if it's a Southern thing or a female thing or just an insecurity thing -- but I always find it hard to just look the person in the eye and say, "Thank you." Thank you for noticing something nice about me and saying it out loud.

So reading my friend Marty's profile post about me as a cast member for the Raleigh-Durham Listen to Your Mother felt weird -- but also a little awesome.

Click to read her profile of me.

So thank you, Marty. Now I'll just be over in the corner blushing.

If you'd like to buy tickets to the show -- this Wednesday, May 8 at 7:30 p.m. in Raleigh -- click here. And hurry -- there aren't many tickets left. Listen to Your Mother is a national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother's Day. 

Me, Only Louder With Friends

Some of you who read this blog have never met me outside the pages of the Internet, but many of you know me out in the real world in one way or another.

So when I found out I'd been selected for the cast of the Raleigh-Durham area Listen to Your Mother show, I felt a little weird about asking my friends to buy tickets to the show. Listen to Your Mother is a national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother's Day -- this year launches the first show for Raleigh-Durham, one (okay, technically two, and actually lots more if you count Chapel Hill, Wake Forest, Cary...) of 24 cities across the nation to participate for 2013.

Sure, the show is part of a cool national project -- but why would people who have to listen to me ramble for free want to pay money to listen to me read into a microphone?

Then I went to the first rehearsal for the show and heard the other 14 cast members share their stories about the good, bad and ugly in motherhood. And as I alternately laughed out loud and choked back tears, I lost any hesitation about publicizing this event.

I realize you probably don't know all 13 women and our lone brave man in the cast -- but you can meet them online now. Then buy your tickets to the show, where you'll spend a little over an hour feeling like you've just sat down for the most well-written coffee chat that you've even been to with your new crowd of favorite friends. Pinky promise, you won't be disappointed.

If you'd like to buy tickets to the show -- May 8 at 7:30 p.m. in Raleigh -- click here. 

Women taking charge. Applications available now.

If you're like me, you regularly find yourself wondering why our elected officials make the decisions they do. And then you may think to yourself, "Why didn't they just ask me? I could have told them a better solution that that."

And if you're even more like me, then you procrastinate right up to a deadline.

If all of that is true, then have I got the deal for you!

It's called the Women in Office Institute and the application deadline is Monday. Ta-da!

The Women in Office Institute is an intensive seven-day residential leadership program that prepares women to seek elected or appointed office. Participants gain an incredible bank of wisdom about the political process and the confidence to explore or pursue governmental leadership. Participants hone their leadership skills, prepare for political campaigning, and develop tools for effective and ethical public service.

Now in its ninth year, the Institute is hosted by the NC Center for Women in Public Service. Featured presenters include state and local elected officials, professors, media experts, leadership trainers, noted political strategists and successful Institute graduates. The seven days take place over two long weekends this summer at William Peace University in Raleigh, NC.

Institute graduates are making a difference in their communities across North Carolina as judges, county commissioners, campaign leaders and public service board members. 

If you are interested in attending the Women in Office Institute, visit www.nccwps.org for more information and an application. Scholarship opportunities and needs-based tuition assistance are available. Application deadline is April 2, 2012. If you can't participate this year, but want to support the cause, you can make a donation on the NCCWPS website.

A Week in My Life: Tuesday

Yes, I know it's Wednesday. But Tuesday was very full and there was no time for blogging -- but lots to document. I'm participating in Adventuroo's "A Week in My Life" project. You can see my Monday here.

Tuesday started painfully early for a good cause. If I look a little blurry in that first picture, it's because I was volunteering at my polling station at 6:30 a.m. in the RAIN in the DARK and I wasn't totally awake yet. The kids joined me at 7:30, mostly playing in the car for my last half hour of greeting. (Translation of J's post-it: "Christine is are [our] school board.") And no, no one wanted my little candidate flier.

Once our shift was up, we headed home to play. Also to lay out the newspaper across the counter because it was somehow soaking wet inside the plastic bag.

At 9:00 we got ready for our friend Baby J, who hangs out with us on Tuesday mornings. That means dumping out an entire basket of toys and then confiscating all the tiny things he might try to eat. We also got our They Might Be Giants station playing on Pandora (via TiVo, which I LOVE). You can see here that we all love Baby J very much. He loves us too, although sometimes I think he'd like a little more personal space.

At 11:00, we loaded up Baby J and took Pippi to her gymnastics class. Baby J took a nap while Junius played games on my iPhone.

After we returned Baby J to his parents, we loaded back into the car with lunch and headed to Daddy's office for flu shots. Junius, apparently exhausted from the morning, gave out along the way. Pippi managed to keep herself awake by singing the entire time.

Junius and I were very brave for our shots (Pippi already got hers at the pediatrician). Then we argued over who would get to push the buttons in the elevator.

On the ride home, we rocked out to one of our most favorite CDs: the aptly-titled Songs Your Mom Will Like by Big Bang Boom. That's Pippi beatboxing and playing the air trumpet on track 14. Buy it now and thank me later.

After a little rest time (read: 30 minutes of TV) at home, we loaded back into the car (are you noticing a theme here?) for some play time at our friends' house. Pippi showed us how she can buckle her own seat belt (which can take up to 5 minutes, depending on the amount of whining involved). We admired our friends' fabulous Halloween decorations, debated the scientific names of toy dinosaurs and generally had a whirlwind of fun.

At 6:00, we picked up Daddy and went out for dinner at a local restaurant that was having a fundraising night for our arts school. Junius impressed his friends by reading all the signs on the way in (yes, first-graders are that cool). The kids played with wikistiks while we waited for our food (smart restaurant), then Pippi cleaned her plate and part of Junius' too. My girl loves some pasta. I had the yummiest bleu cheese mac-n-cheese with bacon -- comfort food on a rainy night.

Back at home, we filled milk cups (I don't know why, but that blue cup is THE ONLY WAY Junius will drink milk and he MUST have it at bedtime every night) and went upstairs for bed. Junius brushed his teeth and protested all the photography. I spray-treated Pippi's shirt (why oh why do I ever buy white shirts for her?) and pondered the need for gender-specific children's toothpaste. Then Daddy showed the kids pictures from his day touring cool Raleigh locations like the science museum and the RBC Center.

It was my turn to read to Pippi. She picked out "The Shy Little Girl," a book I somehow still have from my childhood. I love how much she loves the book, even though parts of it are really dated. The trick to getting Pippi to sleep is to get her to be still -- see how she fidgets with her hands to stay awake?

Finally at 8:00, with both kids asleep, my political junkie husband and I settled in on the couch for election returns. With two laptops, an iPad, an iPhone and the television between us, we stalked the results, read tweets aloud, flipped news channels and cheered for the victory. Who says you can't have champagne on a Tuesday?

And so my day ended where it began -- worn out, but happy to support a great candidate.
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LEGO KidsFest for the Whole Family

When I was a kid, I used to play LEGOs with my little brother. He would build all the cool Star Wars ships, while I tried (in vain) to make him sort everything into neat piles. You know, gray pieces with gray pieces, ittybitty light pieces with other ittybitty light pieces. As much as I enjoyed playing with the tiny bricks, I loved organizing them even more.

Getting everything arranged just so was always so satisfying. Like on those cooking shows where they already have everything measured out into those perfect little dishes before they start preparing the recipe. Sadly, my brother never bought into my plan -- but he did make some very cool space ships and he always let me be Princess Leia.

Now that Junius has graduated from the chunky blocks to the small LEGO pieces packed into enormous sets, I have a new partner -- and because he's such a smart OCD first-born kid, he's much more willing to follow my system, as you can see in this photo. [Notice that we've packed up the trains from his train table and dedicated the entire surface to LEGO-building. Reduces the risk of those teeny tiny parts winding up in my vacuum cleaner.]

When he gets a new set, he lets me hand him the pieces for each step. It's like being a surgical assistant. "Long blue piece, mom." [Press said piece into his waiting hand.] "Long blue piece, Junius."

But this Friday, there will be no tiny piles of pieces on Junius' little table. Instead, there will be millions and  billions of LEGOs in more than 150,000 square feet of space... because this Friday we all get to go wild with the hands-on LEGO KidsFest at the Raleigh Convention Center.

Honestly, I'm not sure which one of the four of us is more excited. And here's a sneak peek at why...

Add your own little square to Creation Nation

Check out larger-than-life creations of your favorite characters

Watch the mystery mural evolve

And that's not even showing you the Big Brick Pile, the monochromatic group build, the Race Ramps, the LEGO Master Builder Academy and the DUPLO Build Area.

Crazy. Good. Fun.

So now you want to join us, right? We'll be there on Friday from 4-8:30 p.m., but you can also get tickets for sessions on Saturday (morning and afternoon) and Sunday (morning and afternoon). Each session offers the same exhibits and activities. All the details for the Raleigh tour are online -- they'll be in Cleveland in November and Hartford in December if that suits you better.

Follow me on Twitter this Friday to see what we build -- and I promise I won't spend the whole evening trying to group all those LEGOs into tidy little piles.

Images courtesy of LEGO® KidsFest

Full disclosure: The nice folks at LEGO KidsFest are giving me four free tickets to the Raleigh show. But I promise that my enthusiasm for those tiny bricks is all my own.
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One, Two, Three Strikes You're Asleep...

Today was a perfect day in Raleigh for a baseball game -- sunny skies, but not too hot. A lovely Sunday afternoon for sitting outside, lounging in a stadium seat and eating a hot dog.

It was also a great afternoon for an outdoor nap. So Pippi, in her infinite three-year-old wisdom, decided to combine the two activities:

This beautifully plump face is what you get when you take a toddler who only got eight hours of sleep last night and no nap today with a belly full of hot dogs and Skittles, some warm sunshine and a good snuggle in her mama's lap. Even the cheering Wolfpack fans couldn't wake her after she crashed just before the seventh-inning stretch.

On a related note, if you're looking for a fun family outing, I highly recommend an NC State baseball game. For those few faithful readers out there, you may remember our disaster at the Mudcats game. Thankfully, the Wolfpack games have been just perfect for us -- close to home, reasonable crowds, quick concessions, friendly staff and a great stadium.

We may be back again next weekend -- let's just hope Pippi can stay awake long enough to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

Note: I'm not trying to overtake Naps Happen and her fabulous blog -- and this was no top-of-the-stairs nap today -- but it was just too cute not to capture.
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Friday's 5: Reasons I Wish I Were Still There

Last week I wrote about five great places to getaway that are still close to home (assuming, of course, that your home is in central North Carolina). This week, I'm wishing I were at any of those places.

Why? Because this is my kitchen today:

Note the boxes of new cabinets filling the dining room
and the hole in the floor with insulation spilling out.
Guess who's eating out for the next week (or more)?

Specifically, here are five reasons why I wish I were still at the King's Daughters Inn in Durham:

1. The beautiful, cushy bed. I love the way posh hotels make the beds with a fitted sheet, top sheet, duvet and a second top sheet. Everything feels all velvety crisp and expensively snuggly.

2. The turn-down service. How lovely to come back from dinner and find my newly fluffed bed (see #1) with two glasses of port and two locally handmade chocolates on the side table. Perfect ending to a wonderful day.

3. The Mac/TV combo. We don't have a television in our bedroom at home -- both of us prefer it that way. So it's a total luxury to sit in our hotel bed and watch TV. Even better? Having a wireless Mac connected to the TV so that we can watch last week's "Community" episode from nbc.com.

4. The homemade granola. The inn's tasty breakfast included eggs, bacon, grits, pancakes and an assortment of fruit, muffins and cereal. But the best part was the homemade granola that I took back to our room to have with yogurt later in the morning.

5. The soft robe. Yes, I have my own bathrobe at home -- it's pink flannel and I really like it. But there's something special about a smooth, white hotel robe after a hot shower that didn't include interruptions from any small children.

What's your favorite special touch that makes staying at a hotel or inn absolutely perfect?
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Friday's 5: Local Places to Spend the Night Away

Before we had kids, my husband and I took romantic trips to places like South Beach (FL), Charleston (SC, not WV) and Paris (France, not Texas).

After kids? Not so much. In fact, I'm ashamed to say that my passport is still expired.

But even though it's been years since we took a big trip together, that doesn't mean we haven't planned a getaway weekend here and there. We've just shifted from focusing on the destination to simply being-together-not-at-home-with-kids.

In order to maximize our time away and minimize the time we spend traveling, we've taken some lovely overnight trips to such exotic locales as (are you ready for this?) Pittsboro, Chapel Hill and Durham. Yes, that's a whopping 35 miles (or less) from our house.

I know it sounds crazy, but just leaving the kids at home with the grandparents while we sneak away for 24 hours is a marriage-saving luxury. We eat out for lunch, dinner and breakfast. We nap. We sleep in. We (gasp) talk to each other. We finish WHOLE SENTENCES without being interrupted. We maybe go to a movie or do a little shopping. We even spend a some quality time being naked together.

Then we go home to our beautiful children, much happier to see them because we've been away. They're so happy to see us, too -- but they also get a great time with their grandparents. It's really a win-win-win for all involved.

So if you're in need of a getaway with your spouse -- or even just to escape on your own for 24 hours -- here are five recommendations of places that are close to home:

1. The Fearrington House Country Inn: We stayed at the award-winning Fearrington right before Christmas when Junius was still an only child. It was my first night away from him in his whole 17-month life -- and it was  just what everyone in the family needed. The restaurant is fantastic, so you don't need to drive anywhere. Be sure not miss out on the afternoon tea. 
2. The Franklin Hotel: We stayed at the Franklin in November 2009 -- and yes, we sing the beginning of Nick Jr's "Franklin" theme song every time we talk about it ("Hey, it's Franklin..."). Being a UNC alum (twice), I'm always happy to spend a weekend on the Hill. But more than that, the Franklin is a beautiful, classy place to stay. Plus there are great restaurants in easy walking distance, so you can leave the car in the garage and not deal with downtown parking.
3. The King's Daughters Inn: We stayed at the KDI (as they call it in the materials) last weekend thanks to a Living Social Deal. Although I'd normally be a little jittery so close to Duke's campus (see double-UNC alum, above), I really liked the inn. Again, lots of great restaurants close by -- although we ended up driving to dinner because it was cold and rainy. More details in next week's post.
4. Renaissance Raleigh North Hills Hotel: I actually stayed at the Renaissance with a friend for a mom's getaway -- but it would be a nice place to go with my husband sometime, too. It's less than two miles from my house, yet I could have been 200 miles away given the bizarre feeling of freedom to see an afternoon movie, enjoy a leisurely dinner, wander around shops and visit with my friend. The Renaissance Hotels are Marriott properties, but more upscale than the average chain hotels.
5. Front Street Inn: This is the only place on my list that's not in the Triangle -- but Wilmington is an easy 2-hour drive from Raleigh. With quirky rooms and a view of the Cape Fear River, the Front Street Inn is located in the historic district, offering easy access to restaurants, shops and antique stores.

So the next place on my list? The Umstead Hotel and Spa. I haven't even been inside yet, but everything that I've read and seen about it looks glorious. If we can't get back to Paris for our 10th anniversary this fall, maybe we can just pretend by enjoying the luxurious life at The Umstead and spending a morning at the NC Museum of Art.

How about you? What's your favorite overnight getaway location?


Note: As always, none of the places listed here offered me any sort of compensation for writing this post. However, I'm happy to accept a coupon toward my next visit if anyone would like to send one.

Friday's 5: Lessons from the Fair

We took the kids to the N.C. State Fair yesterday -- it was their first trip and they were jumping out of their skins from excitement.

As this was only my second trip to the Fair and the first time with kids, I learned a lot from the experience. A trip to the Fair is a lot of fun, but it's also some serious work for the parents. Here are five lessons from the day.

1. Bring a stroller. Even though Pippi never uses a stroller anymore (unless I'm trying to exercise when she's home), I realized too late that we should have brought one with us. My arms are still aching from carrying her30 pounds of fabulousness to the fairgrounds, around the event and back to the car.
2. A footlong hot dog is not too big. At least, not for one five-year-old Junius. Kid barely stopped to talk between bites because he was enjoying it so much. Seriously, just look at how happy he was.
3. A map counts as a prize. Junius was very excited to have his own copy of the Fair map. Probably even more excited than he was about the Nemo look-alike he got from one of the fishing games. And it was free.
4. Look for friends. Even with thousands of people streaming through the gates each day, it's still possible to run into someone you know. We ran into friends from our neighborhood and didn't even know they would be at the Fair. And while you're watching out for friends, you can enjoy the people watching. Because there are some crazy-looking interesting people out there.
5. Don't be afraid of the kid rides. And I mean that advice to the mommies. I was very hesitant about letting the kids get on the tiny roller coaster (and by coaster, I mean a little dragon train that goes up and down around the circle), but they LOVED it. Was totally worth it to watch them cracking up and yelling around the curves together. 

And one bonus tip for watching the fireworks: Before we actually went to the Fair yesterday, Junius and his Daddy watched the fireworks show on Tuesday night. Because Juni isn't really old enough to stay up until 10:00 at the Fair, the two of them drove to a nearby (free) parking lot around 9:30, put the top down, enjoyed a milkshake, and watched the show from outside the Fairgrounds.

So how about you -- what's your best tip for going to the Fair?

Public Schools Need Sound Policy, Not Drama Queens

A recent New Yorker article by Nicholas Lemann described the American education system in this way:

"The creation of the world's first system of universal public education...is one of the great achievements of American democracy. It embodies a faith in the capabilities of ordinary people that the Founders simply didn't have. It is also, like democracy itself, loose, shaggy, and inefficient, full of redundancies and conflicting goals. It serves many constituencies and interest groups, each of which, in the manner of the parable of the blind men and the elephant, sees its purpose differently. But by the fundamental test of attractiveness to students and their families, the system--which is one of the world's most ethnically diverse and decentralized--is, as a whole, succeeding."

As I read this article, which goes on to discuss the need for measured, research-based solutions to the very real challenges in public education rather than take a "Noah's Ark" approach in which we wash everything away and start anew, I kept thinking that Lemann must have been writing about Wake County. Except that nowhere in his article does he call anyone a prom queen.

At last week's school board meeting, the majority's 5-4 voting alliance splintered into name-calling and snide remarks as Debra Goldman (along with the four members who have been in the minority since December) put the brakes on a train-wreck of a "plan" (and I use that term loosely) for student assignment in Wake County. While I'm relieved that the board's decide-now-ask-questions-later, destructionist approach to "planning" is on hold, I have no confidence in Goldman or the rest of the former Gang of Five.

What amazed me most about all of this drama is how apparently shocked and surprised these five board members are to discover that creating a student assignment plan is hard. Really?! Did you think that the people in those seats before you weren't trying? Or that maybe they delighted in screwing with families and students to see how much hate mail they could generate? Or that somehow they were just oblivious to the challenges facing our schools?

The truth is that, as Nicholas Lemann observed in his article, public education is complicated. Every parent rightfully wants what's best for his or her own child -- but our public schools have to serve ALL children. And what's best for one child or one family might not be the right answer for another.

If there were a simple solution to student assignment in Wake County -- one that sent every family to their closest school filled with magnet offerings while staying within county budgets and ensuring that every school fostered a healthy, effective (uncrowded) environment for teaching and learning -- don't you think someone would have tried it by now?

There is no simple solution. Believe me, I wish I had one to offer. I only know that this "Noah's Ark" approach of throwing out the old plan and bull-dozing ahead without research or data to support the new plan isn't going to help more students graduate with the skills they need for college and careers. And petty commentary between board members certainly won't help my son and his classmates learn how to read.

It's time for the school board to move beyond campaign rhetoric, roll up their sleeves and get to work on the business of setting policies that help students learn. Ms. Goldman, I hope you'll prove me wrong for doubting your intentions and take the lead on making a positive difference for all 143,289 of them.

PS - If you missed the photo gallery of the one-minute post-meeting Goldman-Tedesco chat, you absolutely must check it out. Add your own voice-over captions for entertainment. And yes, Tedesco really did publicly call Goldman a prom queen. She has reportedly denied ever having been one.
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A Perfect Way to Welcome Fall

Today, while doing laundry, I found four hardened kernels of corn at the bottom of my washing machine. Under normal circumstances, that might seem strange -- but we spent last Saturday at Hill Ridge Farms, so I actually knew where they came from.

Apparently when you let your kids play in a huge sandbox filed with corn instead of sand, they're likely to bring some of it home in their pants. They're also likely to have an absolute blast.

Despite other people's recommendations, I've always been a little skeptical about the hayride-pumpkinpatch-cornmaze-farmanimals events that get publicized each fall -- just sounded itchy, smelly and cold. But some friends invited us to join them and the weather was perfect, so I agreed to go along.

As it turned out, I couldn't have hoped for a better day. From the moment we turned off Tarboro Road in Youngsville, the staff at Hill Ridge Farm was friendly, organized and attentive. We had an easy time in the parking lot, quickly got our tickets and were inside playing without any trouble (think Caniac Carnival, not that other family outing). We even arrived early enough to get in our train ride and hayride without waiting in line.

At $10 per ticket, it's not a cheap outing -- but each ticket gets to take home a pumpkin, so it's not a bad deal either. Plus I didn't feel as guilty about taking pictures while my kids wandered around the pumpkins as I do when we're pumpkin shopping at the farmer's market.

After all that playing and pumpkin-picking, we needed a break and a snack. Pippi begged for kettle corn -- and again I was suspicious, as I'm a traditional movie-theater popcorn kind of girl. But oh-my-delicious-freshly-popped-sweet-and-salty-goodness, I take it all back. The suspicion, that is, not the kettle corn. Because we ate it all.

And we didn't feed any of it to the animals, even when they tried showing us their most clever tricks. Because the signs say not to share people food with the animals, and it was hard enough sharing it just among the four of us.

The morning's big finish involved a slide built into a hill, complete with little burlap sack to help the ride along. In the not-too-distant past, Junius would have been too afraid to try this on his own, but here's my big boy now. Might have made me a little misty-eyed if he hadn't been having so much fun.

All in all, it was a spectacular morning for the whole family, plus we all took glorious naps when we got back home. A perfect fall Saturday, if you ask me.

A few final tips, in case you're planning to head out there this weekend:

• Go early. Farm opens at 9 on Saturday -- be there.
• Wear sunscreen. It may be fall, but little faces still get sunburned on a pretty day.
• Buy the regular tickets plus one train ride. The super pass is more than you need (at least for little kids).
• Bring a picnic, if you want to save a little money. Plus, your kids may fall asleep on the ride home, so it's easier if they've already had lunch.

Friday's 5: Type-A Mom Conference

I'm about to do something that, two years ago, I would never have expected. I'm leaving Friday afternoon to go to a blogging conference.

Yeah, I know -- it sounds crazy to me, too.

But it's a lovely, fall weekend in Asheville hanging out with smart, interesting, clever blogging mamas (and some daddies, too) -- which honestly sounds like a lot of fun.

Except that now that I'm about to go, I've decided it's a supremely bad idea. Now that I really think about it, going to a blogging conference goes against all the reasons I actually like blogging. Here's why:

1. Clothing: When I'm blogging, I can be in my jammies, my sweaty tshirt or whatever I happen to have on. No one sees me and no one cares. At a conference, all that goes out the window. Suddenly I have to think about what to pack and what I could possibly wear that didn't come from Target or Old Navy.
2. Location: When I'm blogging, I'm at home. Doesn't take any planning or traveling or coordinating. I just sit down at my computer and start. With this conference, there's the four-hour drive there, the four-hour drive back, plus the cost of the hotel in between.
3. Timing: When I'm blogging, I squeeze in time during Pippi's nap or after the kids go to bed. My husband probably gets slighted the most, but I try to write when it's not taking time away from anyone else. This conference means I'll be gone for three days -- Daddy will be parenting solo. He's more than capable, but he's going to be one tired man by Sunday night.
4. Editing: When I'm blogging, I don't have to be clever on the first try. I can edit, tweak, delete, add, link and change to my heart's content. In person, at a conference? It's all live, with no time to rehearse.
5. Popularity: When I'm blogging, I know that at least five of my relatives and two or three friends are going to read every post. It doesn't matter if I don't have hundreds of subscribers as long as someone I know leaves a comment now and then. At this conference, there will be actual blog celebrities in the house. Meanwhile, I'll be loitering in the lobby with a pocket full of Triangle Mamas business cards hoping someone recognizes me from my avatar @convertiblelife.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm going to get over myself. Truth is, if I get to hang out with the Triangle Mamas and some of the other talented local bloggers I've already met, it will be a great weekend -- no matter what I wear or say or do. 

And at the end of it all, I'll get to come home to my sweet family and appreciate them that much more for having been away.

Traveling mercies -- see you next week!

Spring, I Say

I don't care what the newspaper says -- last week, we turned the corner.

No, not with the school board and their power-crazy shenanigans (although at least they're taking a breath before trying to fire the superintendent for saying the things we all knew already). I'm talking about the weather.

Spring. It's coming. And regardless of the cold, cold rain falling right now, I'm convinced this is winter's last gasp. We've already turned the corner into springtime.

I first noticed it last Monday. Birds chirping when I went out to get the paper at 7 a.m. A lighter scent to the breeze. A different shade of light in the late afternoon. Bluer skies at mid-day. Then the glorious sunny 60-degree weekend.

It's about damn time. I mean, the snow was pretty and all, but I don't live in North Carolina to have a long cold winter.

All week long, I found myself humming "Winter's On the Wing" from The Secret Garden (don't tell me you're surprised that I like musicals). In case you don't know the tune, here are my favorite lines:

The sun it spells the doom

Of the winter's reign,

Ice and chill must retire

Comes the May say I,

And you'll be here to see it. 

Stand and breathe it all the day.

Stoop, and feel it. Stop and hear it.

Spring, I say.

Read the lyrics and watch the video here:

(It's not the greatest quality, but at least it's not in a high school gym.)

The One Where I Get Excited about an Invisible Potty Seat

In case you're tired of reading my soapbox rants and other people's guest posts, you can head on over to Triangle Mamas and see my post about a toilet seat. Really.

Don't say I never gave you anything.

An Open Letter to WRAL's Meterologist

A friend emailed the following letter last night -- it cracked me up, so I asked him if I could post it on my blog today (in lieu of the usual Friday's Five) as his blog is currently on hiatus. Thankfully he said yes (because he's a lawyer type, I couldn't publish without permission for fear of legal action).

The post is all the funnier because of the big, fluffy white flakes currently falling outside my window. Better luck next time, my friend -- last night, I was sure you'd be right!

________

Dear Greg,

I am on to you. It's a twisted little game you got going on, and I will not let it stand. See, Fishel, we've been down this road before, you and me. And as our former president famously said, "Fool me once, shame on — [pauses] - shame on you. Fool me — You can't get fooled again."

Here is the deal. You played this wintry weather scare game on the night of my wife's baby shower. Your dire warnings of 'frozen precipiatation' scared all my native southern friends from venturing outdoors. You made it sound like a flake of snow was akin to the ebola virus. Your 28 years of experience freaking out the natives might get you some street cred with the bread-buying, beer-hoarding locals, but I am not from here and I am hip to your reindeer games.

So, anyway, on that faithful night two years ago, me and my poor wife were just sitting at friend's house, alone, in the dark. No friends to wish our new arrival well. No cute baby clothes. No silly games we have decided here in the 21st are somehow an acceptable way to wish a couple well. And the worst part? The roads were dry. Bone dry. Yancey County dry. Dry enough for even the most southern of my friends to drive safely on.

So this time, Fishel (if that's your real name), I am choosing to ignore your doppler 5000 and your accuweather predictions.

I am going to the Raleigh Times at 11:55 tomorrow. I am going to enjoy my [monthly lunch group]. And when I hear your dire predictions of wintry weather, I will spitefully laugh and ruefully think of my young son and how he was forced to go without shower presents, all because you couldn't get your shower predictions right.

Yours in accurate forecasting,
Damon

Image from WRAL.com.

Remember me? I'm Your Wife...

What with all the ranting last week, I ran out of days to write about the glorious 27 hours I spent with my husband over Thanksgiving weekend.

That's 27 hours alone. No kids. No parents. No work. No deadlines. Just us. Overnight. For the first time in three years.

Crazy, crazy fun.

We left the kids at home with my parents on Friday morning at 9:30 and returned home the next day around noon. Picasso and Warhol at the Nasher in the morning. Pepper's for lunch. Afternoon nap at The Franklin. Dinner at Mediterranean Deli. Movie at The Varsity. The Franklin's special breakfast in bed. Brunch from Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen. Plus some lovely details in between that I won't write about because my parents and my in-laws read my blog (and it's not that kind of blog anyway).

Did I mention it had been three years?

Oh, and my favorite part about staying at The Franklin? The "do not disturb" button right beside the headboard -- you don't even have to get out of bed to hang the tag on your door.

Could it be more perfect?

Thursday Soapbox: The Public's Schools

I have a confession to make: As the mother of a rising kindergartner, there's a tiny part of me that hopes all the "neighborhood schools" candidates get elected to the Wake County Board of Education on Oct. 6. You see, as a mom, I'd really love for my son (and, in a few more years, my daughter) to attend the elementary school in our neighborhood.

What's not to love? We could walk to school in 20 minutes, joining with our friends along the way to form a daily elementary school parade. He would be in school with kids he knows, whose parents I know. He'd be at a "good" school that's safe, familiar, stable and on a traditional calendar. Norman Rockwell himself would probably want to paint a picture of it all.

Even before I became a mom, I couldn't fault the parents who complain about (and then form yet another group to fight) annual reassignments that resulted in instability, uncertainty and sometimes long drives for families around the county. Now that I am a mom, I understand their concerns in a whole new way.

But I know too much. I am more than a mom -- a former teacher, a public education advocate, a citizen, a taxpayer -- and I cannot in good conscience support an approach that will lead to the re-segregation of schools, no matter how lovely my personal scenario might seem through the eyes of motherhood.

As a parent, my job is to do what is in the best interest of my own child. But the teachers, administrators and elected officials in our community? Their job is to do what is in the best interest of ALL children, regardless of what neighborhood they live in or who their parents are.

There are plenty of arguments on all sides of the debate around "supporting diverse schools" or "supporting neighborhood schools" (which aren't mutually exclusive in theory, but generally are opposites in practice). I don't have the time or energy or clarity of thought to wade through them all. But here are few things that, from research and personal experience, I know to be true:

• Schools with high concentrations of poverty have a harder time being successful than schools with fewer low-income students. It's not some kind of hogwash about having poor kids sit next to rich kids so they can learn better. It's simply that students living in poverty, no matter how smart they are, come with additional challenges (like being hungry or not having adequate health care or having a single parent who can't be home much because she's working two jobs) that schools must try to address.
  
  
• Schools with high concentrations of poverty tend to have higher rates of teacher turnover because they're tougher places to teach. That usually means more teachers with less experience and a general instability within the school culture, which means that teachers suffer and students suffer. And that's all students in the school, not just the poor ones. Studies suggest that students in poor and minority schools are twice as likely to have an inexperienced teacher and are 61 percent more likely to be assigned an uncertified teacher.
  
  
• Advocates for a "neighborhood schools" approach who claim that additional funding will be given to schools in poor neighborhoods to help them overcome their challenges are full of crap. Particularly in today's world of slashed budgets, the money won't be there -- or if it does come, it won't last long. And, unless you're Geoffrey Canada in the Harlem Children's Zone, it won't be enough to make a difference.
  
  
• Wake County's diversity policy is imperfect -- and I think the district sometimes does a poor job of implementing the policy, leaving families feeling ignored and snubbed -- but maintaining integrated schools is the right goal. The district is not "out to get" anyone and derives no pleasure from disrupting parents' vision of how school should be. They are simply wrestling with making the best decisions they can in support of the nearly 140,000 students in the district.
  

As for the election on Oct. 6, unfortunately I don't get to vote because I don't live in one of the districts on this year's ballot. If you are eligible to vote, I certainly don't presume to tell you who to vote for and am not endorsing any candidates. But I hope that, regardless of where you live, you'll consider that, as parents, we have the luxury making decisions based on our own children. Our school districts must consider all the children at once.

* * *

I may have to write on this topic again -- I've been struggling with this post for weeks and am still not satisfied. It's a complicated issue and I'm inclined to wander off on a million different tangents. In the meantime, if you'd like more information, read Making Choices, a report I co-wrote in 2003 when I worked at Wake Education Partnership, or Striking a Balance, a 2008 report from the same organization. And feel free to comment, argue, debate -- just be polite about it.