My Convertible Life

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Honesty Is Hardly Ever Heard

A good friend of mine did a very brave, bold thing last week.

She told me that she was disappointed in me, that I'd hurt her, that she was heartbroken.

Even writing it down now makes my own heart hurt again.

Still, I'm glad she did it, because it's better than the alternative. She could have just swallowed her unhappiness, then drifted away and acted polite until we weren't really friends anymore --  I suspect that's what most people do. I would have been left wondering what happened, making assumptions that we were just busy, that life's craziness got in the way, that it didn't really mean anything, that it simply slipped away.

But I would have missed her.

She is funny, talented, smart and thoughtful. She does amazing work in her chosen profession. She manages motherhood like a pro. And she has a quick, dry wit that she delivers with deadpan brilliance.

So as hard as it was to read her message, I am thankful that she is so brave, that she valued our friendship so much to be so honest, that she trusted me enough to tell me. And I am particularly grateful that she accepted my apology, understood my efforts to make things right and even appreciated my (somewhat lame) attempt at a joke to lighten the reply.

Thank you, my friend. Thank you for being my friend.


  1. What a great friend! When we trust our heart to someone, we certainly take a risk that it will be broken. The alternative sounds very lonely. So for me, I will continue to cultivate the gardens of my friendships and am glad you have had that opportunity as well!

  2. Wow, you are lucky to have such a great friend. I had one friend who did drift away for a while - I guess we both drifted - and to this day I'm not sure why. I think it was over discomfort over the actions of a mutual friend of ours. We were on different sides of the fence on whether or not he was being a jerk (my thought) or protecting himself (her thought) in a work situation. Anyway, she and I reconnected and all is well now. But we never did talk about it. We probably wouldn't have drifted if we did...

  3. Yes, the sign of a good friendship is one where you can confront the other! Thanks for posting...

  4. That takes a lot of courage to be honest like that. Your friend to you --- and you to us. Hearing that we've let someone down is really, really hard. You've done so with grace. Thanks for reminding us that we shouldn't just swallow our hurt, that we should be able to talk about how we feel to the ones we love, and also that when we're on the receiving end, we should acknowledge our wrongdoing and accept our own shortcomings as an opportunity to better ourselves.

  5. It takes strength in character to be open to negative things in our lives. Good for you and I am glad you and she are still friends.

  6. It takes true courage to put that up on your blog and admit a mistake. I'm so glad that the two of you were able to work through it and come out stronger on the other side.

  7. That is the surest sign of a true friend.

  8. I adore you Soterspice! What a beautiful story. Yes true friends do say tough things for your sake or for the sake of a better relationship. And you're the type of dear friend worth going to the trouble for... Love Jen


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