When I was a kid, sometimes I'd get weepy for no apparent reason.
I'd pad quietly through the house, looking for my mom. Often she'd be sitting at the piano, so I'd climb up on the bench beside her.
"I feel like crying and I don't know why," I'd tell her.
And she'd always tell me that was fine. That it was okay to cry, to let it out, even if there wasn't an explanation or an answer to go with the tears. Then she'd listen to me let go, holding me just a little so that I knew I wasn't alone.
That's how I feel today. Like crying, but I don't know why.
Maybe it's because my children were apparently conspiring to kill me between 4 and 9 a.m. today while my husband was away overnight. Because every time I turn around, Pippi is naked -- even after I've dressed her and am waiting at the door to leave for the morning. Because neither one of them will ever. stop. talking.
Maybe it's because I seem to be physically incapable of going to bed before 11 p.m., no matter how exhausted I am. Because my sinuses are clogged with pollen-induced snot. Because my right wrist and hand ache so much I can't hold a pen properly.
Maybe it's because there's yet another hole in my kitchen ceiling. Because I had to grocery shop with Pippi today. Because it's gray and cloudy.
Or d) all of the above.
Thanks for listening.
.
I have weeks like that. Go ahead cry. Let it go ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'd be surprised if every single person who reads this didn't have a complete understanding of what you mean! Parenthood seems so unjust sometimes. Like - how can this level of unfairness and self-sacrifice not be outlawed?
ReplyDeleteI can't play the piano, but I would let you sit beside me and snuffle. It would just be more comfy on the couch. :) Much love from waaaaay down south...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure all of the above contributed, but grocery shopping with kids is just horrifying. I had all three home on Monday and what a cluster. Harris Teeter might ban me. I am proposing that we just eat every meal out this summer. Hope tomorrow is better!
ReplyDeleteSTK
I am with you today. I think sometimes I feel like I shouldn't cry or that it makes me ungrateful. But we all need it once in a while, and when I DO have the courage to let it all out I feel SO much better.
ReplyDeleteI actually sat down this morning in the bedroom amongst all the dirty laundry and did cry. This was after the car place told me it would take $400+ to fix the turn signal on my car (and that it wouldn't be ready until late Wednesday) and after my girl decided to color on the flat screen TV with crayons along with the hardwood floor. I have been up until midnight - 1am for a week now hunting down job postings. I'm tired, need a break and there's none in sight. I feel your pain! Go ahead and cry, this too shall pass :o)
ReplyDeleteThat was my yesterday. My today is fabulous. I say that by way of giving you hope. Maybe your tomorrow will be fantastic. In the meantime, no good cry is complete without ice cream. Remember that.
ReplyDeleteHug, hug, hug.
ReplyDeleteI've got a piano bench. Come over for a cuddle anytime.
Cyndi, Lynn turned me onto your blog by showing me the picture of Pippi's nap on the stairs...now I'm addicted to reading about your life!!! Small world! I have a newborn and now find myself loving to read your stories during the middle-of-the-night feedings! This one especially hit home for me. We have a 4yo, 2yo and a 7wk old. My husband travels extensively and I wanna cry myself to sleep every single night. And I would, but it seems as though someone else is always beating me to the punch...arghhhhh! And when he's gone, we'll consume everything freakin' possible as to NOT go to the store. The kicker?? He works in DC and we freakin' live in Charles Town, WV. Therefore my grocery store normally = WalMart. Double ugh. Great to see your gorgeous family! Jennifer McCloskey Barlow
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